Q: I’ve been seeing this guy for 6 years (I was 19 now almost 24) this year 2022 I find out he has also been seeing another girl for the last 4 years. Not a problem I knew he was doing his own thing as was I but the turning point is by pure accident I meet the girl 2 months ago and we’re now friends but she doesn’t know I’m his first girl nor does she know he and I are both aware of this situation , And it’s also come to light they started living together 1 year ago he said he wants this to work for all 3 of us so he doesn’t have to split his time but he won’t be honest to the girl and I’ve told him he needs to tell her. Should I leave or try out this possibly poly relationship.
A: Off rip, my answer is NO! Because while you may not mind trying Poly, that’s not what you ultimately want to do and I know that because you asked! And annnyyyyy time we truly want to do something we either ask questions later or not at all. BUT I too am a woman and understand what it’s like to like someone and want to understand their crazy to avoid the void of them no longer being in your life…..
So, as loaded as this question is, the answer is still very much simple. Likeeee WHAT DO YOU WANT! Whether you stay or go, WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF IT! Soooo often we go into situations hoping for the best and not getting what we want because we didn’t set CLEAR intentions. So before you make your decision, take some time to reflect and WRITE DOWN what you want out of each scenario.
Next, Forget about me and the outside worlds opinion and what they would do, because for whatever reason that always plays a part in our decision making, and think about what is ultimately best for you. So you’ve thought about what you want, now it’s time to think about what you NEED. Think about what you need for the woman you are now and what you will need for the woman you are working towards becoming. If he can give you that and is continuously adding to your life in a conducive manner, then stay and make the best of what comes with sharing…
Finally, LOOK AT THE FACTS! Put your feelings aside and look at who he is and what he has shown you. He lied about her for 4 years and is still choosing to lie which probably means moving forward, he will lie and hide things from you and you’ll be forced to figure them out yourself and eventually settle for whatever he says, because a liar doesn’t stop lying, they just lie better. He also said “he wants this to work,” but won’t even do what NEEDS to be done to make it work. Likeeee you didn’t ask him to get rid of her, you just asked him to tell her and he can’t even do that!!! (so consider that as well)
Now seriously, I PROMITHE YOU I GET IT! Having history with someone can make you a sucker for their shit even when it’s not good for you. But if you allow him to continue to play games, he will. If he does not give you what you need to be the best version of yourself, thennnnn you most definitely have to leave. I’m a firm believer that the truth will set you free and being that he doesn’t even want to tell the other girl the truth, lets you know that he doesn’t even have the courage to live in his own truth and how people treat themselves is a guarantee of how they will treat you.
I say use this time to figure out where you are in life. Meaning are you making decisions based off “WANTS” or “NEEDS.” Being that your’e 24, you definitely still have time to make some “WANT” decisions, but please understand that what we want most of the time is not what we need….
—All in all, you are worth someone who will respect you enough to be honest with you and will use their energy not to hide things, but to give you what you want because they understand that it’s what you need…
